Almost home

I am now in the last month of my travels. Geographically I am closer to home now than at any time since I left and I am moving closer as I travel east across Canada. My thoughts too are approaching home and I feel ready. There are some practicalities to consider, which occupy my mind, some of which have answers now and others that will become clearer once I am home. As to where I will live, I have decided to keep the tenants in my house to begin with and I will rent a room in Totnes with a friend-of-a-friend. This will give me time to work out where I want to be and this decision is connected to future paid employment. I am unsure what I will do for paid work and will continue to mull over possibilities during the next month and after I am at home. I have a couple of grand ideas that are probably not realistic. Being more pragmatic, I'll look into teaching English as an additional language.

I feel caught in limbo between going home and finishing my travels. I still want to see the eastern Maritime Provinces of Canada, but I have lost some of my energy and enthusiasm for travelling. It feels as if I am just filling the time until I go home. This is perhaps almost inevitable at the end of such a long trip and so many experiences. Maybe I would feel this way wherever I ended my trip, or maybe Canada itself is contributing to this feeling. I have been a rather frustrated hiker here and have spent more time in cities than is my natural inclination and preference. The hiking opportunities are restricted by the risks of hiking alone where there is dangerous wildlife (bears, moose, elk, cougars) and also my ability to access suitable areas when I am travelling by public transport. Quebec City is the last of 4 consecutive cities since I flew back into Canada three weeks ago after my visit to Peggy in Colorado. After Quebec City I am hoping that getting out to the coast will provide a change of tempo and scenery and re-energise me for my last weeks.

I have rarely felt lonely, but undoubtedly the number one thing I am looking forward to when I am home is spending time and re-connecting with my family and friends and being wrapped in the warm blanket of love. I have appreciated the connection friends and family have maintained with me while I have been away via e mail and my blog. It is always nice to hear news from home and that life there goes on in much the same way without me and that it will be there when I get back. I have been able to watch the grandchildren grow up via Skype and the photos that Kate has sent to me and put on Facebook, but oh how lovely to be able to hold them, smell them and be involved with their lives in person again. I know Megan remembers me and the things we used to do together, but Elliot was still a baby and he has grown into a little boy now, so I am looking forward to finding my way with him .

Family and friends are starting to say that it’s not long till I’m home now and talking about getting together once I’m back. Megan had a dream about me coming home. She said to Kate, ' Mummy I had a dream and Granny was in it. When she was away she had too many haircuts and she looked like a baby head. She had fat legs and she came on a train.' She's right about the train part.

Other than people, I have not actually missed anything from my previous life, which surprised me at first because some things were so important to me – my garden, choir, cooking, going to the caravan. I have learned that I am adaptable and I have enjoyed the freedom of having very few possessions, commitments and responsibilities and not needing or wanting more. At home a lot of my energy and resources went into looking after my 'stuff' - house, car, job. But now that I am going home the small conveniences and luxuries of having some personal living space will be very welcome. Not living out of my rucksack; and not washing my knickers and socks in a hand basin will be pleasant and being able to put my clothes away in a drawer and my toiletries in a bathroom. My travelling clothes have served me well, but some of them will go straight to recycling. It will be fun to reclaim some of my previous clothes and have more than 2 choices of outfits.

I am looking forward to having the use of a kitchen where I don’t have to think about whether it might be a good idea to wash the utensils before and after use and a cupboard and fridge where I can put my food without having to name it. All these little things will feel luxurious and relaxing to begin with; but I imagine that they will very soon become part of my everyday life, just as not having them is part of my life now.

It’s the London Olympics now. If I had been at home I would have tried to go and see some events. My work in schools was connected with the London Olympics bid, but once my job finished and I’d made my decision to travel I lost interest in the whole Olympics thing. But now it’s happening I do feel it’s a bit of a shame to be missing it and the whole atmosphere back home. I have caught a few bits and pieces on the television here, with a Canadian bias of course.

I want to try and hold on to some of the ways I have been living and adopt them into my new life-style at home – a kind of New Year Resolution list for post-travel. I would like to shop locally for food as and when I need it, rather than reverting to a weekly supermarket shop where I always bought too much. I want to continue to be interested in the world beyond my own immediate horizons. I would like to use public transport more. I certainly want to continue to be open to the magic that encounters with people can bring and hopefully be able to pay back some of the many kindnesses I have received from people in my own travels.

People ask me, do I feel different? It’s much the same type of question as people sometimes ask on a birthday, ‘Do you feel a year older?’ The answer is yes and no. Physically there are some changes; some permanent and some maybe more transitory. I am sun-tanned – well the bits that stick out of my shorts and T shirt, but that will fade. Physically I am in good shape and I weigh less and am fitter and stronger than before I left. My lifestyle in New Zealand was very good for me and although I haven’t been able to maintain all of that since I left there, I am still benefitting from it. There are visible signs of being a year older. The sun hasn’t been kind to my skin and I have more smile lines and wrinkles on my face and age marks on my hands. I have also been finding my first occasional grey hairs – but I pull them out straight away of course.

I didn’t set out with any particular goals in mind, other than to be me; to see the world through my eyes and be open to all possibilities. I wasn’t looking for a man, but I have had some encounters with men, had some fun along the way and learned something about relationships. Ahh, I hear you say, she didn’t tell us everything in her blog! I feel that I have been on my own for long enough now and I am ready for a romantic attachment. But without the right man, I am happy on my own.

Inside I feel like the same person, that never really changes, does it? But I have had so many experiences, seen and learned so much about the world and myself that I must be changed by it; not in a sudden smack-in-the-face kind of way, but by gradual immersion and absorption. I think I have become a more open and accepting version of my old self. Maybe any differences will be more obvious to me when I am back home applying my new perspective to my old world and creating a new world for my future. Whether people who know me will notice a difference, I am not sure. Perhaps you’ll tell me when I see you. Maybe the difference is tangible by the fact that I am sharing this with you.

I am on my way home.